Notes on Self-Love

Originally written on March 5, 2019

*Information from Psychology Today website.

Self-Love - Also called self-compassion.

There are 3 elements to self-compassion:

1. Self-kindness
2. Common humanity
3. Mindfulness

Self-kindness

Self-compassionate people recognize that being imperfect, failing, and experiencing life difficulties is inevitable, so they tend to be gentle with themselves when confronted with painful experiences. People cannot always be or get exactly what they want. When this reality is accepted with sympathy and kindness, greater emotional peace of mind is experienced.

Common humanity

Self-compassion involves recognizing that suffering and personal inadequacy is part of the shared human experience - something that we all go through. It also means recognizing that personal thoughts, feelings and actions are impacted by “external” factors such as parenting history, culture, genetic and environmental conditions, as well as the behavior and expectations of others. If we had full control over our behavior, how many people would consciously choose to have anger issues, addiction issues, debilitating social anxiety, eating disorders, and so on? Many aspects of ourselves and the circumstances of our lives are not of our choosing, but instead stem from innumerable factors (genetic and/or environmental) that we have little control over.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness is a non-judgmental, receptive mind state in which one observes thoughts and feelings as they are, without trying to suppress or deny them. We cannot ignore our pain and feel compassion for it at the same time. At the same time, mindfulness requires that we not be “over-identified” with thoughts and feelings, so that we are caught up and swept away by negative reactivity.